You Can't Have It Both Ways, or Can You?

I'm always torn between which is more important, my feminine side or my masculine side.  In the throes of passion, of course I'm ready to cut all ties with my male self and become a full-time woman for the rest of my life, but when my head clears (and you know why ; ) I suddenly sober up and think to myself, "What was I thinking?  I was just comtemplating wearing a bra under my white shirt and going to the store?"

I've been back and forth between both sides so often that I think I fully understand my feelings for both of these perspectives on life, but I never really do settle on one.  Sometimes I just do my male thing, and other times I feel like I want to princess it up, and go out in a dress with a petticoat.

With some things, however, you cannot go back.  Pierced ears comes to mind, as does corset training.  Shaved legs can be another, and sometimes makeup can still show up.  People knowing your secret can be a "never going back" moment, because as soon as a girl knows that you're wearing a camisole under your shirt, you best believe it will soon be common knowledge.

So for me, this leave me stuck in the middle.  I'm not entirely masculine.  In fact, as I walked into work this morning, my balls nicely held in by my soft panties, and I realized that I began to walk a little more femininely.  It was a bit deliberate but a bit natural too, and the fact that it felt right was a strange realization.  I'm never going back.  I know that now.  I'm a sissy for life.

Still, I feel the need to act a part.  Sitting with my legs crossed and my cock tucked, my legs naturally slid to a girls' crossed leg postion.  It felt nice, but someone was looking, and I had the urge to shift my legs to a more masculine position, but then consciosly put them down again.

There are times when I have to be a man: at work, around friends, when negotiating some sort of business.  I can't wiggle in my panties, cross my legs, and feel soft and caring.  I have to act a part, but the femininity is seeping into my everyday words and actions.