I won't bore you with all the details, but I did start crossdressing around age 11. I've often wondered what possessed me to don those panties for the first time. I know part of it was the sexual thrill, but I've often wondered why wearing those panties was like a bolt of lightning to my soul. (I think I know the answer now, but more on that later) The powerful feeling of those panties was like, KA-BLAM!!! I just stood there shocked, having never felt something so strong in my life before.
After that, I vowed to myself, "Never again!" and I think it was about an hour later that I was sneaking them out of the laundry again.
I was hooked for a while, but towards the end of high school, I started to taper off in my crossdressing. I knew it wasn't cool, and I wanted to fit it. Eventually I broke myself of the habit, got some girlfriends, got married, and I had completely forgotten about it for years.
One day, I was kind of sexually bored and reading some femdom porn where the guy had to wear panties and clean the kitchen. It was sexy, and I remembered how it used to feel. On a whim, I went out and bought a pair of panties for my entertainment. They did the trick, and embarrassed, I threw them away, but an old creaky closet door in my head had cracked open again.
Flash forward to today, and that closet door finally opened, and all kinds of mental baggage came tumbling out. Dresses, skirts, panties...I have closets and drawers full of them, and I'm starting to realize that it's more than just a sexual thrill. This whole thing means something else.
Of course I can look at it all rationally, and know the reasons for my crossdressing, but deep down I feel there might be something else awakening in me. It's both a frightening and exciting experience.
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