Marriage and the Sissy: From Femdom to Wearing Panties

Since it was now out in the open, I felt a bit freer expressing myself to my wife.  I told her that I looked at porn, and this is what turned me on.  My wife rejected me, telling me that she was conservative, and didn't want to do all of these weird things.

When I brought up the memory of the strapon, she said she was testing me, to see if I'd do it, but that she really didn't want to do it.  I knew that it was a lie.

Over the course of over a year, I brought up several ideas that seemed sexy to me on the internet: chastity tubes, foot worship, goddess worship, spanking, etc.  She flatly rejected each one either telling me that it was weird or it did not interest her.

And anything regarding femdom, she said did not interest her because she wanted a man to be in charge.  Also, she said that she worked hard every day, and didn't want to come home and have to work at being a dominatrix.

"I just want to have a normal night when I come home.  I don't want to be your mommy, and spank you and tell you what to do."

I tried to convince her that I could make her life more relaxing if I served her, she still rejected it.

After constant efforts to bring some sort of sexual excitement into the bedroom, she finally got upset with my efforts and said, "Look, I don't care what you do on your own.  Do whatever you want with these things, but I'm not going to be a part of them."

It was a bit upsetting, but I took her at her word, and went off in my own direction.  I told her that I didn't want my fantasy to just be my own though.

In the meantime, things went on as usual, and our sex life was infrequent at best, maybe every other week.  Masturbating to fantasies on the internet, on my part, didn't help, and I again brought up the idea of a chastity tube as a way to control my desires, and to concentrate on her.

She rejected it, and I even bought one and tried to do it on my own, but it didn't work out.

One day, I was reading a femdom story where the dominatrix made the man wear panties and clean the floor.  It was pretty exciting, and brought back memories of my old hobby.

I played around with the idea for a while, and then one day, on impulse, pretended that my mistress tasked me with going to the store to buy panties and a bra like in one of the stories that I had been reading.

To my surprise, I went to the store, and went right to the intimates section and picked out a bra, panties, and a chemise.  An old lady who was shopping gave me a weird look and left.  Nervously I went up to the counter and waited.

Behind me, some workers were buying parts for their construction business, and when it was my turn, I was buying women's underwear.

"Oh, these are pretty," the lady tried to be nice and make small talk, which just made me more uncomfortable.

The worst part was over when I was finally leaving the store, and I came home with my prizes.

Excited, I put on the items, but to my surprise, they were only slightly titillating, not like I once remembered.  Still, I was able to use them to my satisfaction, and hid them in my closet. 

The next day, I pulled them out and used them again, but still, it seemed like the thrill was gone.  It wasn't as sexy as I remembered it.  When I went to put them back, I suddenly got the urge to throw them away.  I felt bad throwing away good money, but I didn't want my wife to find these items, thinking that I was either having an affair or that I had women's underwear.  Either way, it would be an uncomfortable conversation if she found them, so in the trash they went.

Wrapping them in a bag, I put them in the trash, and thought that I was done with this little adventure forever.

Marriage and the Sissy: Bringing Femdom to Reality

I don't know how many readers are married, but sex can become...well, kind of boring after a while.

It's not anyone's fault, it's just there's no discovery, excitement, anticipation, or newness.  It's the same sex you've been having for years.

And for a while, it was fine with me.  We'd take off our clothes, rub each other a little, and that was enough.

But as marriage wore on, I got a little older, and I was still engaging in my sexual fantasies on the side, sex with my wife became more infrequent.  My wife's concerns started with a few grumbles, and turned into some complaints.

I was still into femdom porn at the time, and one afternoon decided to confide in her that I needed something else to spark my interest.  For some reason, my wife is very sexually unadventurous.  She claims she doesn't like to have her pussy licked, and she only likes missionary position.  (It took me forever just to get her to try being on top)

At first I told her that I wanted to try little things like pussy licking, but she didn't want to.  Eventually, I decided to see if perhaps she'd be interested in femdom.  But let me go back in my story a little bit...


You see, at one time she had expressed an interest in femdom before I even knew it existed.  When we were first married, we were at a party.  A friend of a friend was talking openly about some of the sexual things they had tried in their marriage.

The girl mentioned that she had fucked the guy with a strapon.  This was way before my discovery of femdom porn, and although I was not judgmental of the couple, the very thought of it kind of repulsed me.  In my own mind, I was a regular guy, and what type of guy lets a girl do that to him?

For some reason that night, my wife was all hot and heavy.  She was grinding up against me, and mentioned the story.

"Oh," I said wanting to play it off.

"Would you ever be interested in that?" she ground up against my ass.

"What?" I said kind of weirded out.  I mean, this was my wife, "No."

"Come on, wouldn't you let me do it?" she said turned on.

I'll admit it.  I was weirded out and rejected her.  For a whole week, she brought up the subject, and I flatly refused her, even getting a little offended and angry about it.  I told her to go fuck her friend if she wanted to fuck someone.  After a while, she gave up on the idea and never brought it up again.


Once I went through the many stages from rejection to acceptance of femdom, I remembered that moment.  On impulse one day, I bought my wife a strapon and surprised her with it.

I guess, just a warning to any husbands who maybe want to surprise their girlfriends or wives with extreme fetish toys, that maybe it's better to slowly warm them up to the idea before you just surprise them one day and say, "Hey, I bought you a strapon."

Anyway, I did it the wrong way, and my wife pulled it out of the bag looking at it like I was crazy.

"What's this?" she said completely surprised.

"Remember that one time..." I went on to explain.

"No," she disgustedly dropped it in the bag and handed it back to me, "We're not doing this.  What would make you go out and buy that?"

Now she was the one rejecting me, and I felt a little stupid at the time.

Marriage and the Sissy: Discovering Femdom

After I stumbled upon what I came to find out was called femdom porn, I was resistant and disgusted by the images that I sometimes came across while looking for BDSM porn.  A true revulsion and anger welled up inside of me at the images of girls with fake penises.

"Fucking bunch of lesbo dikes.  They'll never have the real thing," I said, not knowing that my strong reaction was a denial of my attraction.

But something else was happening too, to my surprise.  One day, I clicked on a photo series where a girl in leather was making a guy in handcuffs on his knees lick her pussy.

I closed it out, but my cock was rock hard.  I thought about it for a minute, and since nothing else was doing it for me, clicked on the site again.  Seconds later, I regretfully realized that I really found this completely sexy.

I went down a long path of femdom after that point.  At first a little hesitantly, and then willingly looking for women dominating guys.  After that, I began to realize that I had feelings for being dominated.

That went on for a long time, and I was still living my double sexual life: one with my wife, and one with my fantasy on the internet.  To my surprise, though, the fantasy started becoming more desirable than my reality.

I never would have thought that a fantasy would be sexier than a real girl, but it was.  I really wasn't upset anymore when my wife said, "Not tonight honey.  I'm tired."  In fact, I was a bit elated.

For years, I rarely pressed her for sex anymore, but still performed my duties sexually when she wanted.  After a while though, she began to notice that I wasn't asking her for sex very often.  She thought that I was perhaps having an affair, but I assured her that I wasn't, and after she snooped on my computer, confronted me about some pictures that I saved on there.

It was embarrassing, but luckily I didn't save any femdom pictures at that time.

I agreed to pay more attention to her, a promise which I kind of kept for a while.

Marriage and the Sissy: The Beginning

I guess if you've been reading my story up until this point, you might have caught references to the fact that I'm married.  This in itself is a long and complicated story, which I'll try to condense to a few articles, but I've often received a lot of questions from people on forums about how marriage fits into my situation.  Sit back and relax, and I'll try to explain.

If you read my other article, you might remember that I began crossdressing right around puberty.  I quickly got caught up in the sexual thrill of it all, and didn't understand where it came from, in fact, in a way I kind of denied to myself the admission that this was something that I really liked.  Usually, I just played it off as a quirk, telling myself that I was truly a regular guy.

Right around college, I began to dress less, and did not want even the slightest hint of the stigma related to this hobby.  Every now and then, I still would sneak into my mother or sister's drawers, but it became less and less.

When I moved out of my parents' house, I guess the new-me had truly taken over.  There were no panties around to tempt me anymore, so that removed a temptation, and I just imagined myself as more of a regular guy who did regular things.  At this time I began dating a few girls.

I've never really been a ladies man.  I can admit that online.  I was just really shy and not confident around girls.  Eventually, though, I plucked up the courage and started dating a girl who would eventually be my wife.

We were married, and our sex life was pretty good for years.  Still, although I had a sex partner, my sex drive was so much higher than hers, that I had a separate fantasy sex life unto my own, especially when the internet began to get good.

I was on two divergent paths.  Sometimes I would get actual sex from my wife, but as we were both caught up in careers and responsibilities, sex became less.

"I'm tired from work."  "I just ate, I'm full."  "It's too late to do it."  "We have to go visit my aunt today."

I could have had sex several times a day, but for my wife, as marriage wore on, sex became every other day, then a few times a week, and then once a week.

I'll be honest, it angered me.  I was like a baby who wanted his bottle, and I was frustrated that I was married and had to go masturbate on my own a lot of the time, so I went to the internet.

At first, naked pictures of women were more than enough to do it for me.  There were so many pictures of girls on the internet.  Eventually, my tastes began to get a little more particular.

Usually by accidental discovery, I found different things to titillate me, and I went through a whole host of fetish categories to satisfy my lusts and curiosities.

For a while, I began to experiment with BDSM sites, and it was sexy to see a guy tie a girl up and make her suck his dick.  I'll admit, I'm a pretty gentle personality, and given the years of politically correct brainwashing I've gotten from the TV, I had to say the rough treatment of the women on these sites conflicted with my sense of right and wrong.

Still, my dick didn't lie, and it thought it was great, and I found myself returning to different sites.

One day, I clicked on a picture, and as I glanced at the series that popped up, I realized that it was a girl with a strapon giving it to a guy.  Disgusted, I quickly closed out the site.  My male sense of propriety was offended.

"What a fucking loser," I said to myself, "What guy would let a girl do that to him?"

Little did I know that this image had started something inside me that would change me forever.

Using Visualization Before Going Out Crossdressed

Like I've said before, crossdressing fantasies in the safe confines of your home are distinctly different from the gritty reality outside on the streets.  At least for me it is.

I know I've had fantasies before, where I think, "I'm going to put on my white dress and some panties and go to the store..."  For me, it's a white hot fantasy at the time, imagining how naughty, pretty, and dangerous it would be, but I've realized through experience that my fantasy seems to have blinders on in a way.  My vision is narrowly focused on the personal aspect of the crossdressing, and seems to disregard the fact that going out in society means interacting with people.

On the few occasions when I actually have gone out dressed, and pulled up in the parking lot of a store, it quickly became apparent to me that the reality of the situation wasn't as tidy as my fantasy.  People were coming and going, a mother was loading her purchases into her car, and the kids were looking around at people going by.  Someone rushed by to put their cart away, and a car drove past looking for a space, and the whole time, I'm in a dress wondering if I should get out of the car.

It's at that moment, when all those people are there, I can smell the exhaust from the car, the sounds of the cars grinding by on the road, that I realize that this is very real.  This isn't some neat fantasy in my mind.  The teen girl standing there by her mother looks at me in my dress and heels walking by.  Does she know, or is she just wondering why on a day when 99% of the people are wearing shorts and tees, someone is dressed up nicely to go shopping.

I like pushing myself, but I'm doing this for fun too, and I don't want to feel too uncomfortable.  That's not fun.

What I usually do now, before I go out dressed to a place I haven't been before, is to visualize myself in a dress in a given setting.  For example, I went to the mall today in my male clothing.  I've done it so many times, I usually just tune out most of the stuff I see there as I walk through because it's nothing new to me.  But if I were in a dress, it would seem different, and I know my senses would be heightened and my awareness of my surroundings and everything happening around me would be on alert.

Visualizing the situation in the safety of my male clothing helps me to decide whether I would be comfortable in a given situation, and to pay attention to what the experience is really like, so I am not paranoid when I hear a giggle of a girl going by.

Entering the mall, I imagined what it would be like if I were in heels, a dress and a wig.  I felt myself in my familiar clothes as I entered, I paid particular attention to the people around me.

People walked by, I looked at them.  They looked at me.  If I were in a dress, I would be scared at the stares, but I guess people just naturally stare...and laugh, and say various things.  It's most likely not about you, but if you're nervous, you can take all of these things personally.

The mall was busy with people going in every direction at the same time.  As I walked along, and visualized being in a dress and heels in this environment, I realized that it would be a very big step for me to dress as a woman and be in this type of hustle bustle.

So before you get all dressed up in your sexiest dress, and impulsively stepping out of the house, use some visualization in the setting before you go.  It might help you not to be surprised when you actually decide to go out dressed.

Tights and Layering for Sissies on Those Cold Winter Days

It's getting colder, and although I like wearing things which are light and girly, I've learned from past dressing experience that it's sexier to be warm than cold.  I mean, what's the point of wearing a thin chemise or short skirt if I need to hide under a blanket to chase off the winter chill?

Lately I've been experimenting with two things in my crossdressing that are helpful ways to pass the cold winter months.

One big solution I've recently discovered is to wear tights or the really thick cotton tights, sometimes called sweater tights.  They come in all kinds of colors and patterns, and feel great!  It's another one of those things where I was thinking to myself, "Why wasn't I wearing these earlier?"

They keep my legs and toes warm, and provide a nice tight hug that makes me feel girly.

Another benefit is that I also use tights in my fantasies of being feminized at a young age.  Tights just seem like something that girls wear.  I can wear them with a regular skirt or one of my school uniforms.  As an added bonus, I'll sometimes wear a pair of my frilly sissy panties over the tights so that it looks prettier at my hips and gives my derriere a little boost.  Nothing looks sissier than a pair of ruffled panties over some tights!

Tights also are a good way to hide your hairy legs if you are unable to shave.  This helps those of us who have to walk the male / female line with the significant others in our lives.

I also think I might start wearing tights under my male clothes during the winter.  This will keep my legs warm, and some pairs look just like socks when I sit down.

Tights...I should have been wearing them sooner! I guess I have all winter to make up for lost time.


Another thing that I've been doing to combat the cold is to wear several layers of things with no rhyme or reason to the outfit.  I used to do this a lot in the exuberance of my youth, when I couldn't decide whether I wanted to wear a teddy, panties and a slip, or a silk nightie, so I'd just wear them all.

It's not the best fashion choice, but there's something satisfying about being surrounded by every feminine thing I can lay my hands upon at one time.  The added benefit of layering in the cold weather is that all those layers keep me extra warm, and I have no need for a blanket since I have multiple layers of nylon slipping away beneath a maxi dress.  (I even went so far as to put on about ten slips and six pairs of pettipants on at one time)  It's such a luxurious feel, that I wonder how nice it would have been back in the days when women wore all those layers of lingerie and petticoats beneath their long dresses...It must have been a nice feeling in the cold months.

Hope this gives some of you an idea of how to get through the cold months until spring arrives!