I've always had some sort of facial hair since my college days. It was just easier to let it grow, and eventually I had a beard.
It's funny how desires change. My beard was never really thick along my jawline, just barely enough to call it a beard, and I used to wish that my facial hair was thicker, like a manly man.
I guess I was still convincing myself of the myth that I was a real man back then. Recently, my facial hair has been intermittent. Sometimes, when I know I want to go on an outing, I shave it off. Of course, if I'm going to go out and wear makeup, I know I need to shave as closely as possible, and that means against the grain.
I've realized something in the few times that I have done this. The first time I shave, my face lets me get away with shaving against the grain. My face is baby smooth, and besides for a few nicks, it's perfect for putting on a layer of foundation over. I usually wait a few hours to let my skin rest before I put the foundation on though.
The first time I do it, it goes well. My face is smooth, and there is little sign of stubble. I can go out on a crossdressing adventure and have fun.
In the few times when I did have my crossdressing outings, I wanted to go several days in a row, and continued to shave. What I've noticed is that the second and third day isn't so kind on my skin.
That's the problem that I've run into. The second time that I shave against the grain, I'll notice a few bumps forming on my lip The third day in a row, it really comes back even more, and the thing is, the raw, bumpy, irritated skin does not look feminine, and all the foundation in the world will not cover it.
I even tried shaving with conditioner, like I read on another blog, but that didn't seem to help.
For now, I've come to realize that I need to let my skin rest. I haven't figured out a magical formula yet, but I know one day of a fresh face means a few days after when I cannot go out at all.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Taking Care of Your Nails
I don't know why, maybe because I'm a little lazy, or maybe I secretly have always wanted to be a girl, but I've always let my nails grow long. Sometimes I let them get really long, and my wife will make me cut them, but for the most part they stay at a decent length for a girl like me.
And you know what? Most people don't even notice. I like keeping them long, but lately I've noticed that they need a little maintenance. The most important reason for me is for the protection of my delicates. Yes, more than once, I've had that tiny, tiny jagged edge on one on my nails, and put on some panties or stockings, and snap I tug out one of the tiny fibers in my clothing.
If you're like me, you've probably spent a lot of time and money on your feminine things, and to get a snag in something, no matter how tiny, can be heartbreaking.
Lately, I've been filing my nails. I did it a few times in the past to feel girly, but to tell the truth, it wasn't doing anything for me, but recently, I've been watching TV, and filing my nails to get them nice and smooth and even. All of a sudden, it hit me, "Wow, this is exactly what a girl would do!"
It felt relaxing and engaging, and I suddenly realized that because I wasn't doing it to play a role, I was doing it for a practical purpose, it felt good, and one of those girly feelings went through my body as I relaxed and made my nails perfect in my spare time!
Of course, I'm still an amateur. There's probably a lot more that I need to learn, but I feel like I've begun a new chapter in my life.
And you know what? Most people don't even notice. I like keeping them long, but lately I've noticed that they need a little maintenance. The most important reason for me is for the protection of my delicates. Yes, more than once, I've had that tiny, tiny jagged edge on one on my nails, and put on some panties or stockings, and snap I tug out one of the tiny fibers in my clothing.
If you're like me, you've probably spent a lot of time and money on your feminine things, and to get a snag in something, no matter how tiny, can be heartbreaking.
Lately, I've been filing my nails. I did it a few times in the past to feel girly, but to tell the truth, it wasn't doing anything for me, but recently, I've been watching TV, and filing my nails to get them nice and smooth and even. All of a sudden, it hit me, "Wow, this is exactly what a girl would do!"
It felt relaxing and engaging, and I suddenly realized that because I wasn't doing it to play a role, I was doing it for a practical purpose, it felt good, and one of those girly feelings went through my body as I relaxed and made my nails perfect in my spare time!
Of course, I'm still an amateur. There's probably a lot more that I need to learn, but I feel like I've begun a new chapter in my life.
Anal Play: Early Discoveries
I never thought that I'd stick something up my butt to have a good time. It just seemed so weird, and if I asked my old self about it, I would have made a face showing my distaste for such an odd thought.
But as I've stuck my toe into the land of sissy delights, I've become curious to try this forbidden fruit.
I bought a strapon a few years ago and asked my wife to use it on me. It probably wasn't the best idea to just spring that on her, but she had expressed a desire to do it a few years earlier, and I was the hesitant one back then.
She flatly refused, and it was put in the closet for a rainy day. As I began exploring sissy dares and assignments, I found one that dared the reader to suck on a dildo.
"I have a dildo in my closet," I thought, and decided to go get it.
Of course, there was a huge reluctance in my mind to do it. I didn't want to do something gay, but as I secured the strapon to the pillow, I dared myself to do it, and it only took a little kissing and licking to have me mess up my panties after a few seconds.
Eventually, I began to play with it a little more each time, and one day I decided to stick it in my ass.
"I'm going to do it," I told myself, and pushed it up against my asshole.
It was difficult to push in, but eventually it started to part my sphincter, and I had an incredible feeling like I was going to shit all over the place. Scared, I put it away for a long time.
On another occasion, I decided to try it again, and eventually put it in. I had to stop and breathe for a while, and eventually tried to get pleasure, but for the most part, just felt discomfort - nothing painful, but just full, and it stimulated my feeling of defecation.
Still, I stuck with it, and each time became a little more comfortable with. It wasn't really the most erotic thing - in fact, it kind of made my erection go away at times.
I went through a period where I would dildo myself so that I wouldn't cum, and trying to see if I could have a sissy orgasm. It never happened.
What I did end up finding was that stimulating my prostrate, along with masturbation was a bit pleasurable.
But as I've stuck my toe into the land of sissy delights, I've become curious to try this forbidden fruit.
I bought a strapon a few years ago and asked my wife to use it on me. It probably wasn't the best idea to just spring that on her, but she had expressed a desire to do it a few years earlier, and I was the hesitant one back then.
She flatly refused, and it was put in the closet for a rainy day. As I began exploring sissy dares and assignments, I found one that dared the reader to suck on a dildo.
"I have a dildo in my closet," I thought, and decided to go get it.
Of course, there was a huge reluctance in my mind to do it. I didn't want to do something gay, but as I secured the strapon to the pillow, I dared myself to do it, and it only took a little kissing and licking to have me mess up my panties after a few seconds.
Eventually, I began to play with it a little more each time, and one day I decided to stick it in my ass.
"I'm going to do it," I told myself, and pushed it up against my asshole.
It was difficult to push in, but eventually it started to part my sphincter, and I had an incredible feeling like I was going to shit all over the place. Scared, I put it away for a long time.
On another occasion, I decided to try it again, and eventually put it in. I had to stop and breathe for a while, and eventually tried to get pleasure, but for the most part, just felt discomfort - nothing painful, but just full, and it stimulated my feeling of defecation.
Still, I stuck with it, and each time became a little more comfortable with. It wasn't really the most erotic thing - in fact, it kind of made my erection go away at times.
I went through a period where I would dildo myself so that I wouldn't cum, and trying to see if I could have a sissy orgasm. It never happened.
What I did end up finding was that stimulating my prostrate, along with masturbation was a bit pleasurable.
Tucking and Panties: Looking and Feeling Right
I'm at a point where I can tuck and just put on a regular pair of panties, and my balls tend to stay tucked away for a while. The best way to stay tucked is probably to get some tight shapewear or tape, but for me that seems to take some of the soft, feminine feel away from my fantasy.
I do have a panty girdle that I bought inspired by reading Daphne's Lipstick Discipline story. It's kind of sexy in a different way than a pair of silky panties. The binding feel of all those rubber threads interwoven in the panties, squeezing you tight will render any thoughts of rubbing or touching yourself useless. It's also good for tucking. It will keep you held in for a while, but even a tightly pulled up panty girdle by itself will start to slip down after a while.
I just like silky panties - briefs to be specific - and I've found out through practice that I can tuck and pull them up tight, creating enough tension to hold me in for several hours sometimes.
It all started with some internet exploration. I had never heard of tucking before, but curious, I decided to try it. It was a bit painful at first, but after a few attempts, I kind of figured it out. It wasn't the sexiest of things for me at the time, but I did notice the way it made me look down there, and it intrigued me.
I had always worn my panties like I would male underwear, and they rested lower on my waist, giving my cock room to rest at the front of my legs like it always has, and now that I reflect on it, looking at myself in the mirror, I probably looked like I was wearing silky men's underwear.
One day, though, inspired by a desire for chastity, so I could enjoy my dressing for more than a few impassioned minutes, I decided to tuck. Pulling up my panties, there was no longer that four or five inch space of resistance where my balls usually were. The panties seemed to want to keep sliding up.
At first, it felt kind of weird to me pulling them up that far because I wasn't used to it, but eventually I pulled them up tightly against my crotch. It looked weird to me seeing the panties so high on my waist (they were briefs after all) but the more I looked at them, I noticed two things: my crotch looked so feminine, and the high waist was where the panties were supposed to hit.
The realization kind of hit me then. This is the way they are supposed to look. Now, I will have it no other way. If I wear panties, and see a bulge in them, they just look like men's underwear to me, especially bikinis. So if you want to be a true sissy, forsake the silky feeling of the panties against your dick, and tuck yourself away and pull up those panties tight.
I do have a panty girdle that I bought inspired by reading Daphne's Lipstick Discipline story. It's kind of sexy in a different way than a pair of silky panties. The binding feel of all those rubber threads interwoven in the panties, squeezing you tight will render any thoughts of rubbing or touching yourself useless. It's also good for tucking. It will keep you held in for a while, but even a tightly pulled up panty girdle by itself will start to slip down after a while.
I just like silky panties - briefs to be specific - and I've found out through practice that I can tuck and pull them up tight, creating enough tension to hold me in for several hours sometimes.
It all started with some internet exploration. I had never heard of tucking before, but curious, I decided to try it. It was a bit painful at first, but after a few attempts, I kind of figured it out. It wasn't the sexiest of things for me at the time, but I did notice the way it made me look down there, and it intrigued me.
I had always worn my panties like I would male underwear, and they rested lower on my waist, giving my cock room to rest at the front of my legs like it always has, and now that I reflect on it, looking at myself in the mirror, I probably looked like I was wearing silky men's underwear.
One day, though, inspired by a desire for chastity, so I could enjoy my dressing for more than a few impassioned minutes, I decided to tuck. Pulling up my panties, there was no longer that four or five inch space of resistance where my balls usually were. The panties seemed to want to keep sliding up.
At first, it felt kind of weird to me pulling them up that far because I wasn't used to it, but eventually I pulled them up tightly against my crotch. It looked weird to me seeing the panties so high on my waist (they were briefs after all) but the more I looked at them, I noticed two things: my crotch looked so feminine, and the high waist was where the panties were supposed to hit.
The realization kind of hit me then. This is the way they are supposed to look. Now, I will have it no other way. If I wear panties, and see a bulge in them, they just look like men's underwear to me, especially bikinis. So if you want to be a true sissy, forsake the silky feeling of the panties against your dick, and tuck yourself away and pull up those panties tight.
Drawing Attention: The Male Stare
On one of my Stepping Out adventures, I did have a little side adventure at a supermarket. It wasn't really that adventurous, but that's part of what I liked about it too.
It was late, and I didn't want to go home. I realized the limited options that I really had for going out dressed up, so I popped into the supermarket at night. It was pretty dead, there were a few people meandering about, squeezing melons, listening to the soft tunes of the elevator music playing overhead.
I was far enough away from most people that I wasn't really that nervous, but I still walked a tiny bit cautiously and conservatively past the produce aisle. As I reached the other part of the store, it was a lot emptier. Some aisles I had all to my own. Enjoying the moment to be a little bit more free, I experimented with my feminine movement, being extra girly in my walk, my mind, and how I interacted with things.
It was a freeing feeling, and it made me feel more feminine. As I emerged from the end of one aisles, I walked past the meat section where an old man was standing. I was walking straight toward him, and he was leering at me. I don't know if he just appreciated my feminine dress in an era when most women wear jeans to the store, or if he thought I was sexy, but he just stared and checked me out.
It was a weird feeling being checked out by a guy. I politely walked by, not too engaging, but not afraid either.
For me this was a confusing moment. Unlike most sissies, I'm not attracted to men. But it makes me think. The whole point of dressing up and being pretty for a girl is to attract a mate. I, too, want to dress up and be pretty, but I don't necessarily want to draw male attention.
It does make me wonder if something like this will happen again. I guess it's flattering, but frightening in a way too.
It was late, and I didn't want to go home. I realized the limited options that I really had for going out dressed up, so I popped into the supermarket at night. It was pretty dead, there were a few people meandering about, squeezing melons, listening to the soft tunes of the elevator music playing overhead.
I was far enough away from most people that I wasn't really that nervous, but I still walked a tiny bit cautiously and conservatively past the produce aisle. As I reached the other part of the store, it was a lot emptier. Some aisles I had all to my own. Enjoying the moment to be a little bit more free, I experimented with my feminine movement, being extra girly in my walk, my mind, and how I interacted with things.
It was a freeing feeling, and it made me feel more feminine. As I emerged from the end of one aisles, I walked past the meat section where an old man was standing. I was walking straight toward him, and he was leering at me. I don't know if he just appreciated my feminine dress in an era when most women wear jeans to the store, or if he thought I was sexy, but he just stared and checked me out.
It was a weird feeling being checked out by a guy. I politely walked by, not too engaging, but not afraid either.
For me this was a confusing moment. Unlike most sissies, I'm not attracted to men. But it makes me think. The whole point of dressing up and being pretty for a girl is to attract a mate. I, too, want to dress up and be pretty, but I don't necessarily want to draw male attention.
It does make me wonder if something like this will happen again. I guess it's flattering, but frightening in a way too.
The Desexualization of Women in Our Society
(I've decided to publish some of these old, unfinished posts today. This one is obviously from the Olympics last year.)
Don't get me wrong, I love women, and I want each woman to have the freedom to do whatever she wants. I love watching the Olympics, and seeing the power and beauty of women in sport - like a gymnast flying through the air and doing several flips and twists - and I like the fact that women can be anything they want professionally. We are a much better people once we let go of the sexist prejudices that held women back.
With that being said, I also think that there are forces today which are trying to keep pushing women further into what they believe is empowerment, and by doing that seem to want women to discard their femininity, sensitivity, etc.
A person on a forum recently argued with me that femininity is a construct, and that no such thing really exists innately. Perhaps this is true, and I can definitely understand why there are a lot of women who don't fit the mold of femininity. Lesbians sometimes want to be more masculine and aggressive, tomboys just don't like dressing up and doing their nails, smart girls want to show their talents, businesswomen want to be successful.
I get it. I mean, I'm in a dress and I have to hide it, so I definitely know what it feels like to not fit the mold. What I'm talking about, though, is an effort by the aforementioned empowered women to tear down femininity because it doesn't fit their mold.
For example, the businesswoman who becomes a boss might be harder on a girl who dresses pretty for work and is more flirtatious. She might make a rule to make her dress in a suit and be more like a man.
School uniforms are also becoming more unisex. Girls in some schools wear basically the same thing that boys wear. I guess it promotes equality, but kind of takes away the "Viva la difference" thing. I remember my youth, dreaming about the girls in blouses and skirts. I couldn't imagine doing the same thing about a girl in khakis and a thick polo shirt. Do we really want to live in a world where women and men are the same in every way?
Don't get me wrong, I love women, and I want each woman to have the freedom to do whatever she wants. I love watching the Olympics, and seeing the power and beauty of women in sport - like a gymnast flying through the air and doing several flips and twists - and I like the fact that women can be anything they want professionally. We are a much better people once we let go of the sexist prejudices that held women back.
With that being said, I also think that there are forces today which are trying to keep pushing women further into what they believe is empowerment, and by doing that seem to want women to discard their femininity, sensitivity, etc.
A person on a forum recently argued with me that femininity is a construct, and that no such thing really exists innately. Perhaps this is true, and I can definitely understand why there are a lot of women who don't fit the mold of femininity. Lesbians sometimes want to be more masculine and aggressive, tomboys just don't like dressing up and doing their nails, smart girls want to show their talents, businesswomen want to be successful.
I get it. I mean, I'm in a dress and I have to hide it, so I definitely know what it feels like to not fit the mold. What I'm talking about, though, is an effort by the aforementioned empowered women to tear down femininity because it doesn't fit their mold.
For example, the businesswoman who becomes a boss might be harder on a girl who dresses pretty for work and is more flirtatious. She might make a rule to make her dress in a suit and be more like a man.
School uniforms are also becoming more unisex. Girls in some schools wear basically the same thing that boys wear. I guess it promotes equality, but kind of takes away the "Viva la difference" thing. I remember my youth, dreaming about the girls in blouses and skirts. I couldn't imagine doing the same thing about a girl in khakis and a thick polo shirt. Do we really want to live in a world where women and men are the same in every way?
Why Do I Crossdress?
I think many of us at one time or another like to reflect on the reasons for our crossdressing.
I mean, think about it, what makes a guy put on panties and a dress and want to be pretty. Back in my younger days, I would have written it off as some random thing that came along, like a rainstorm, but which passed away in time, and really wasn't who I was.
But now that I'm strong enough to face the possibility that perhaps it's more than just an occasional notion, and perhaps it speaks to something much deeper inside of me, I think I'm ready to recognize it, no matter where it takes me.
Theory #1: When I was younger, I used to theorize that I was creating an ideal woman, but that I was just doing it myself. I was shy, and lacked confidence when I was younger. I fantasized about girls, but they seemed unattainable for some reason. Literally, in my mind, I wanted to touch boobs, but if I were kissing a girl, I knew that it was completely off-limits. I don't think it was, but that's how I inhibited myself.
Instead of being with a girl, I created a girl to be with, and the girl just happened to be me. I saw her pretty panties, she touched me in all the right places, and it felt good. On top of that, I didn't have to spend a lot of time on the phone talking to a girl about nothing.
Theory #2: I like humiliation. For reasons related to my upbringing, somehow I enjoy humiliation. I want to be pointed at by a girl who sees me in panties, and sees me a less than a man. She tells me that I'm not good enough for her, but that I can be her sissy. She forces me into panties, and calls me names.
For some reason, I've stopped fighting the feelings of inadequacy, and have just gone with it.
Theory #3: Deep down inside, I'm really a girl. Looking back on my life now, I've realized several instances of feminine behaviors. Maybe I convinced myself that a man can bake cupcakes, listen to certain music, and like pretty decorations, but the more I think about it, those were signals that somewhere inside, I am really a girl. Sometimes others would mention it, and I'd get offended, saying that they lacked enlightenment or imagination, but now that I really think about it, maybe they were right. Many of my behaviors were truly feminine.
Synthesis of Theories: Or perhaps all of these things are a little true. Maybe I'm a shy, skinny, feminine man, who likes to be humiliated, and deep down just wants to be a girl. Life if a rich tapestry, and you can't just say, "He's a crossdresser," and it explains everything.
The reasons for my crossdressing are many. I know I have some clues into why it's there, but the only really important thing is the fact that it is there. It's who I am, and there's really no changing it. I'm a sissy crossdresser, and that's just who I am.
I mean, think about it, what makes a guy put on panties and a dress and want to be pretty. Back in my younger days, I would have written it off as some random thing that came along, like a rainstorm, but which passed away in time, and really wasn't who I was.
But now that I'm strong enough to face the possibility that perhaps it's more than just an occasional notion, and perhaps it speaks to something much deeper inside of me, I think I'm ready to recognize it, no matter where it takes me.
Theory #1: When I was younger, I used to theorize that I was creating an ideal woman, but that I was just doing it myself. I was shy, and lacked confidence when I was younger. I fantasized about girls, but they seemed unattainable for some reason. Literally, in my mind, I wanted to touch boobs, but if I were kissing a girl, I knew that it was completely off-limits. I don't think it was, but that's how I inhibited myself.
Instead of being with a girl, I created a girl to be with, and the girl just happened to be me. I saw her pretty panties, she touched me in all the right places, and it felt good. On top of that, I didn't have to spend a lot of time on the phone talking to a girl about nothing.
Theory #2: I like humiliation. For reasons related to my upbringing, somehow I enjoy humiliation. I want to be pointed at by a girl who sees me in panties, and sees me a less than a man. She tells me that I'm not good enough for her, but that I can be her sissy. She forces me into panties, and calls me names.
For some reason, I've stopped fighting the feelings of inadequacy, and have just gone with it.
Theory #3: Deep down inside, I'm really a girl. Looking back on my life now, I've realized several instances of feminine behaviors. Maybe I convinced myself that a man can bake cupcakes, listen to certain music, and like pretty decorations, but the more I think about it, those were signals that somewhere inside, I am really a girl. Sometimes others would mention it, and I'd get offended, saying that they lacked enlightenment or imagination, but now that I really think about it, maybe they were right. Many of my behaviors were truly feminine.
Synthesis of Theories: Or perhaps all of these things are a little true. Maybe I'm a shy, skinny, feminine man, who likes to be humiliated, and deep down just wants to be a girl. Life if a rich tapestry, and you can't just say, "He's a crossdresser," and it explains everything.
The reasons for my crossdressing are many. I know I have some clues into why it's there, but the only really important thing is the fact that it is there. It's who I am, and there's really no changing it. I'm a sissy crossdresser, and that's just who I am.
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